Quick Revs

WHERE THE DEAD GO TO DIE
score 1.5/10

i debated all day wether or not i was going to write a review on this here cause tbh i dont know if i even wanna publicly admit that ive watched it at all. you know how i always complain about movies featuring scenes that come up with the grossest, most morally reprehensible display of whatever the fuck for nothing but pure shock factor? well this is 1.35h worth of essentially an MLG snuff film voiced by a 6 man discord group call. the visuals and dogshit acting i could maybe convince myself to find charming if it wasnt for literally everything else about it. calling it tasteless feels honestly redundant because that very clearly was the point. i thought i knew what i was getting myself into when the description i got was "you know this weird movie? oh let me delete the link again cause of uh the necrophilia". i mean i can handle a little movie necrophilia but i shit you not that was the tamest part about it. anyways yeah even if you like strange indie edgelord bs like me, this is just substanceless trash that makes you feel like youre on a watchlist afterwards. 1.5 points for sorta interesting animation style but whats most offensive to me isnt even that they dared to show all of those "taboo" subjects but that it tries to come across as profound with the most surface level commentary you could imagine. and ppl genuinly fall for it gaslighting themselves into thinking the story is good. ohuh wow lemme guess "muh defilement of innocence and perversion of nature guhuhhh critique of catholic double standards ghhh" yeah thats what i thought. GTFO!! and if you deadass think this somehow sheds light on child abuse or something you ought to be beaten with a pipe truly and honestly

this shit. is ass.

Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari

surprisingly watchable for a silent film from 1920, i mostly just wanted to see it cause im interested in Conrad Veidt.

Nosferatu
score: 7.2/10

watched it in theaters with my friends, very funny movie idk how everyone managed to not giggle the entire time. besides that it was also well made i liked this take on the dastardly fellow. also willem my goat

Wolf of wallstreet
score: 7/10

having this on my revs right after inglorious basterds doesnt look good on my part. listen man atm im trying to catch up on all the movies everyone besides me has watched okay? well anyways the movie was enternaining for the fact that its so fucking long. isnt it kinda weird that it came out in 2013? feel like it should be a little older. also hate to say it but the entire time i was just thinking about how Belfort was kinda Kümmelstedt coded

Inglourious Basterds
score: 7.1/10

not my favorite movie ever but pretty enjoyable pretty good. worst part for me was Eli Roths performance and character i cant stand that guy also thank god Till Schweiger barely got to talk

Wicked
score: 2/10

goes against everything i love and cherish

Fruits of Passion

i randomly found an internet archive link to this movie and decided to watch it without knowing anything about it. safe to say i did not expect the fiend to be lurking once more. klaus is here. and worst of all hes fully naked, you can see the back of his balls for 3 whole seconds. (besides the kinski gooch and cuck stuhl jumpscares the 1920s china political commentary and characterization of the women and their psyche was very compelling)

ok i was originally gonna leave it at that but looking further into reviews of this film i was surprised to see that they were mostly negative essentially saying stuff like "okay it looks nice and all but is basically just softporn and fails at being a drama because you cant care about the characters". i think something along that line could be said about a lot of artistically erotic sad movies and while some scenes could def be described as gratuitous, i feel like boiling this down to pretty porn is doing it a disservice. the prostitutes were portrayed in a very human way and even if we only got glimpses into their backstories it left plenty of room for imagination of how they ended up in that situation and what keeps them there. at first i thought O would just be your average le innocent european girl surrounded by all the "exotic" debauchery of the foreign land (caugh caugh), i was happy to see that wasnt really her deal. i found her to be a very interesting character especially with her evil ass dependency on steven and idk why all the plot summaries just say "shes in love with an older man" when its clearly more than just that. also all of the sex scenes were extremely un-sexy and intentionally so. theres still criticisms to be had of course and i dont think the film is a "must watch" for everyone, but all the ones i have read just really dont do it justice, even the ones praising the movie have a very weird vibe to them purely going off of aesthetics and beauty.

Dandadan
score: 5/10

maybe unpopular opinion but i just did not care for it. partially because i just dont watch romance anime, which im not gonna blame the show for thats just a personal taste thing. but besides that i didnt like any of the characters, well the grandma i would like if it wasnt for her design and momo is okayyyy. the rest, just die idc. ig the cat can stay too. i did enjoy the action scenes and the animation was pretty nice. the monster designs are cool too but i dont like the humans. for every good thing they add one annoying thing, the fanservice was also pretty egregious. okay i will say, the aggro silky backstory episode was really good if the entire anime was on that level of quality id give it an 8/10, unfortunately it just goes back to slop right after. honestly maybe a 5 is a bit harsh but i got annoyed one too many times and the ending of S1 just sealed it for me, what kind of cliffhanger even is that? the dudes are fucking around while momo gets molested by old men in the tub see you in season two!
sorry i hate hate hate okaruns ghost whatever design its so ugly

Squid Game - season 2
score: 3/10

genuinly just sucks balls und i forgot i even watched it a day after. first season at least had some intrigue (and dropped the ball in the second half), this season has nothing. i was both bored and annoyed at the same time and then they hit me with their stupid ass ending that just feels like a total cop out and pathetic cry for another season.

Tetsuo II - Body Hammer
score: 5/10

idk what it was about this movie that made it such a slog for me to get through. cause the visuals are nice and all and there is almost always some shit happening but it was just suchhh a slow watch i had to take 2 breaks eventho the movie is only 1:20h. it wasnt like that with the first one, the sequel also felt somehow a little more conventional? the shitty effects are still charming, they managed the transition from black and white to color pretty gracefully, still preserving the expressionistic look with the harsh contrasting shadows and blue lights. the last third had the best shots for sure. but yeah sorry i was very bored most of the time and the novelty of it all also wasnt exactly present anymore since a lot of it i had already seen in the first one. good soundtrack still

Amadeus
score: 7/10

this one took me 2 sessions to get through it, ultimately i have mixed feelings. Salieri was the true star of the movie i enjoyed the way he was written and felt pretty sympathetic towards him despite his villainy, also liked the whole choice to have the movie be from his perspective. now mozart, idk man. IF the intention was to fully show him through salieris eyes all throughout the movie they succeeded cause i found him kind of unbearable to watch. but im not entirely sure that was the case, i feel like the audience is supposed to find him endearing when i was just kinda annoyed and could never fully root for him. not my favorite movie but it did have some good and iconic moments, i liked the staging of Don Giovanni. generally kind of difficult to get through tho, i have watched 4 hour movies where i wasnt bored for a second, this one hardly excuses the runtime. still i can appreciate the production

reservoir dogs
score: 8.2/10

good movie, rlly liked the way the characters were portrayed, most of them felt likable and unlikable at the same time. im not a big tarantinohead, not that i have strong opinions on his films i just dont rlly watch them, so this was only the second one i saw. idk i always somehow manage to evade watching the classics

Extraordinary Tales
score: 6.8/10

i def would have loved this movie as a kid, nowadays- well its a decent watch. mainly for anthology aspect and the different visual styles. they are pretty out there for the time and you can see the beginnings of those mixed media 3d styles that are popular at the moment, also kind of looked more like a videogame than a movie at times. there are some notable names involved like del toro or bela lugosi so idk if its just me who had never heard of it or if it fr just kinda flew under the radar. never saw anyone mention it before. the stories themselves are very simple, obv just based on edgar allen poes novels, some more interesting than others but generally nothing to write home about. admitedly the voice acting was kinda ass in some parts
^where i post from btw

Marquis

would only ever recommened this to a VERY specific type of person lmao, definitely not to someone who wouldnt wanna see scary french puppets perform sexual acts of violence for almost 2 hours staight (which is the majority of people i dare to assume). interesting watch for sure, i found a version of it with english subtitles on internet archive. Also i have read a bit of marquis de Sades work, besides the dog abomination and talking penis its a rather positive, mild mannered depiction of him (wether thats accurate to the historical figure or not). also ig calling them puppets isnt actually correct theyre human actors with animatronic masks, theres also a few claymation segments

Schwarze Früchte
score: 6.8/10

forgot to review this one. i dont actually watch german TV shows very much, last one i saw was Dark i think lol. the dialouge in this one is so realistic to how young ppl speak here its kind of scary sometimes. and they manage to (mostly) pull it off without being cringe. its main drawback is unfortunately the main character Lalo, he started out as a "okay hes annoying and messy but thats the point and you still root for him and get why hes like that" to him becoming more and more flanderized to the point where it was hard to care. other characters pull off the empathetic but annoying thing a lot more gracefully than him and Karla was just great in general. i wouldve liked to see more interactions with her and her coworker. but yea by the end most of the Lalo plotpoints just had me thinking dude shut the fuck up what are you doing (in a bad way). and his whole deal of "letting go and starting anew" didnt entirely work for me cause i didnt feel like him letting go but just everyone leaving him cause he messed up. idk his arc just felt weirdly executed and incoherent. nontheless i think this show is a big milestone for german TV and i hope there will be more like it in the future. also i kinda wanted a 3rd main character for ballance but maybe that wouldve been too much to juggle so idk. Die Schlachterhunde von wokistan sind von der Kette!

the northman
score: 7.1/10

fun movie, vikings are conceptually very funny

true detective (S1)
score: 6/10

i mean... its alright... not sure where the universal praise comes from. its pretty much your standard thriller crime show with a main character that the writers take way too seriously. you could rlly tell they thought they outdid themselves with rust when in reality his nihilistic "guhh...im a realistic pessimist" monologues just gave me secondhand embarrassment (his young version atleast, the mustache one was acceptable). show made for good background noise thats all i have to say on it

Ted

honestly idk something just came over me

Phantom of the Paradise
score: 8/10

peak tbh no wonder its so beloved

smile 2
score: 6/10

not entirely sure if i liked it or not. i mean its horror slop but it was decently executed and had some good moments. maybe it deserves a higher rating because of that but idk something just holds me back. type of movie you can just put on and watch with a friend and have it be fine entertainment yk? never actually watched the first one cause the premise looked so dumb to me, so i was surprised to see the second one get some praise online. well im sure its a step-up

Alien: Romulus
score: 5.5/10

nothing particularly offensive about this movie in any way it was just painfully mediocre. HR Gigers art direction is a mere spectre haunting the set, last hint of it being the alien itself. The rest just looks like you typed in "spaceship futuristic royalty free" into the unity asset shop. honestly its barely even a horror movie

the name of the rose
score: 8/10

this is the movie pentiment was based on, the influences are def very prevelant now that ive seen it lol. good watch, dont have that much to say on it but the line delivery was very funny, CRAZY old coot casting and i think its overall just a nice older movie. i liked how they tied everything up in the end, with the themes too

Aguirre, the wrath of god (1972)

yet another movie ive been meaning to watch for a while. the plot is basically just worst fieldtrip in the history of spain. extremely uncomfortable ambience throughout, likely due to klaus kinski being within the vicinity. i can appreciate it for what it is but honestly no idea what i would critically rate it. great costume design
and of course the main thing ppl know this movie for is the suicide inducing production, but in case you dont i wouldnt wanna withhold that from you
"The working relationship between the two was contentious; Herzog had threatened, on occasion, to murder Kinski. In one incident, Kinski was said to have been saved by his dog who attacked Herzog as he crept up to supposedly burn down the actor's house. Herzog has refused to comment on his numerous other plans to kill Kinski. However, he did pull a gun on Kinski, or at least threatened to do so, on the set of Aguirre, the Wrath of God, after the actor threatened to walk off the set. Late in the filming of Fitzcarraldo in Peru, the chief of the Machiguenga tribe offered to kill Kinski for Herzog, but the director declined."

the substance
score: 7/10

one of those movies everyone is talking about online, and one of which im not exactly the target demographic of once again. so, besides me not necessarily identifying much with it i thought it was a decent watch. quite on the nose but the bodyhorror is indeed very bodyhorror-y (i had to look away in one scene lol the bellybutton chicken leg thing). but yea i was gonna give it a 6 in the way that its an above average horror movie but didnt stick with me much outside of that, i didnt go "woah this is so peak omg". but the ending managed to surprise me with how hard they went (altho the dialouge writing was rlly corny in that scene for some reason?) so ill give an extra point.
....i feel like i wrote this in such an incomprehencable way lol mb

the invisible man appears (1949)
score: 5/10

i wanted to watch the one from 1933 but they didnt have it so i watched this instead. def one of the movies to exist, the scene of the floating cigarette elevates it from a 4 to a 5

godzilla minus one
score: 6.5/10

watched this a month ago or so and forgot to give my rating. uhh it was aight, probably more enjoyable if youre big on godzilla. i like the guy but the movies are a little too cheesy for me personally, this one had a serious-ish tone but still sorta felt like a kids movie to me (even if its not) mainly because of the ending. ending was dumb she shoulda stayed dead tf

the Devils (1971)
score: 7.5/10

insane film. makes sense it got censored so much lmao i watched the uncut restored version too

edit from the future: this one stuck with me a lot i keep thinking about it

das boot
score: 8/10

kind of kino tbh. still ... altho it manages to be surprisingly entertaining for a 3:28h movie taking place pretty much entirely within the submarine, you could cut it down by a decent chunk and not lose much. i liked the character portrayal, herbert grönemeyer is very good at looking like hes about to start crying any second. he also looks comically german. i much prefer older war movies over the newer ones tbh
there are no good gifs fml

pentiment
score: 8/10

game review 4 today. it was good i liked it. it has a lot of charm and care put into the historical research, i was pretty surprised to find out that it was an american game since the portrayal of the bavarian villiage was so authentic. the plot has some really good moments but also some that are kind of uhh not as well executed (mainly the ending of act 2, especially when you chose martin it literally makes no sense for lenhart to protect him and lenhart in general is a little too evil for the sake of it in comparison to all the other antagonistic characters that are very well developed) also act 3 was alright but kind of nothing burger most of the time. but yea its a nice game i would recommend, it has lots of nice details

longlegs
score: 5.5/10

this movie is way overhyped ngl, i get it its cool and vintage looking but the plot was incredibly generic and just meh. i mean it was well executed overall but idk i really didnt feel anything while watching not scared or uncomfortable or on edge or anything, just mildly interested in the story but as soon as stuff got revealed in the last third i was just rolling my eyes. i mean its an okay movie but nothing too special besides the style and casting

everything everywhere all at once
score: 7.2/10

its a good movie, i can see why it resonated so much with so many people, i would probably give it a higher rating if it did the same for me. it just didnt quite catch me as much as it did others, especially humor wise

apple seed(2004)
score: 4/10

lowkey ass its not bad enough to be funny or anything its just kinda boring. some of the mech designs were cool but dont be fooled by the poster its in this putrid ass 3d animated style that looks like a mobile game ad. its like almost charming looking but doesnt quite manage to, i think i could convince myself to like it if the plot wasnt so boring. i think theres more of this movie? cause i saw a regular 2d one and a diffrent 3d style maybe those are better than the 2004 one

tetsuo: the iron man

i mean its def an interesting watch lol idk go watch if you like weird gross stuff (altho it wasnt particularly disturbing or anything). funny how at the beginning i immediadly plugged in my headphones cause i just had the feeling there would be loud moaning and screaming and i didnt want my roommate to hear, wise choice indeed! also ive been listening to the soundtrack even before watching without knowing apparently

vinland saga
score: 8/10 (1st season) 5/10 (2nd season)

people who act like this is a thoughtprovoking philosophical seinen are insane. this is shonen slop straight from the barrel. but its GOOD shonen slop, i was thoroughly entertained and actually quite invested. loved the characters and their dynamics but Askeladd def stole the show cause hes like, genuinly well written and a very cool and fun to watch character. idk man it was a fun show, but its weakest when it tries to get philosophical (vinland heads are gonna despise me for this one but errr), not because i want it to be mindless fighting 24/7 but because they just cant pull it off well. sorry but the second season is torterous, if i was a 16 year old gymrat and this was babies first character arc after only consuming black clover and dragonball all my life id probably be blown away by the concept that the main character doesnt end up being the strongest guy in the world as well, but alas im not that. wow guys....a true warrior.. refuses to kill, protects the weak and doent fight for the sake of it...? thats crazy....thorfinns arc was set up from the beginning, and im fine with it being "kid consumed by rage and vengance has to cope with all the carnage around him and figure out how to live a fullfilling life and move away from killing despite everything, becomes farmer with wife and kids" but the way they went about it in season two is so stretched out and miandering about that very simple and obvious conclusion, that it honestly felt insulting to the viewer. we all know where this is going and what thorfinns gonna learn you dont need to bash it into our brains when its already so on the nose. idk its a shame cause its very apparent that this is the story the author actually wanted to tell and the first season was just set up but sorry dude writing pacifism just isnt his streghth. i dont think hes a bad writer at all as evident by some genuinly emotional moments before but yeah. nah. and worst of all i hated the new characters they added. Einar needs to die fr and the other blokes too. honestly thorfinn and the way he acts was mostly fine too but everything around it just eughhh so annoying and tedious to watch them do anything. (also hideous MAPPA artstyle). all in all, first season was good (very unintentionally funny with some actually good character moments), but i didnt like the second one. if i want to read a story where they actually manage to pull that concept off i just read Vagabond.

its much better at being a good shonen than being a mediocre seinen, which it tries to be

memories: magnetic rose & cannon fodder
score: 9/10 (MR) 8/10(CF)

i actually just wanted to watch cannon foder since ive been meaning to, i didnt even know it was part of the same series as magnetic rose of which ive seen clips of pretty often before. anyways theyre both rlly good, CF is more my personal style (it even inspired some of my art in the past) but MR def wins plot wise. i didnt end up watching the third short of the series tho idrc abt that one. thank you pirating gods for finally providing me with a site i can watch niche shit on so i dont have to rely on ooc youtube clips anymore!

the killing of a sacred deer
score: 5/10

i forgot i even watched this one a while ago so im adding it now. honestly that is already very telling of the movie itself its was just slop. it wants to be taken seriously so badly but it doesnt actually have much to say, its supposed to be this tense build up till the end but just falls flat altogether. also usually i can let a lot of "stuff not making sense" things slide if they fit the theme or its a certain type of movie but here the "curse" just made me roll my eyes. the bleeding? come on thats so corny

junk head
score: 9/10

guys this is cinema. ive waited very long to watch this movie and now i finally could. its like they tailored it specifically to me lol

armored core 6
score: 9/10

actual kino its so good. i played it on release which was a year ago lmao but i just remembered how much i love it

shadow of the erdtree DLC
score: 7.5/10

ill keep myself short cause im honestly tired of it and ive been quite burned out on elden ring. yes its very good and exceeds the base game in many ways. the actual design of the environments is amazing and i enjoyed the level design a lot. to me it fixed a lot of things that bothered me about the base games open world BUT i will say there are a lot of areas empty of items or rewards for exploring. i love how multilayered everything feels without having extra maps for underground areas and the way it leads you around the map organically. the bosses are a very mixed bag for me. most of them decent or good but some just fucking suck actual dick like senessax or the inquisitor fight or the dancing lion re-match. and of course ill adress the elephant in the room, the final boss. its dogshit all around sorry. ik some casual fans can trick themselves into thinking its good but its just not. when i saw the leaks a few days before release i deadass thought they were fake but alas. its just so incredibly boring to revive a boss we already know in the least interesting way ever, cause its just him again but iN hIs pRimE and we get NOTHING new on his characterization besides shit she we already know and the fact that he fucks w minors now ig. hurrrr he like battle! he like uhhhh godfwee! hes lion!!! okay bro what the fuck ever. it is absolutely hilarious that mohg turned out to be innocent tho. i like the way they characterized miquella and the entire build up to the fight and all but they just dropped the ball so hard at the very end. literally just switch out radahn with a new character thats all i want. also gameplay wise the fight is wayyy overtuned in the second phase its just not well designed. only good thing about it is the music. he looks dumb asf too youre telling me he was revived from the dead through some fucked up ritual into mohgs corpse and he just looks like an action figure with a couple of horns on his wrists? die. anyways. yea idk the rest of the dlc is good ig. i think the overtuning is a bit of an issue in general but idrgaf to talk about balancing. my favorite bosses (to fight) were scadutree avatar,midra, putrecent knight and messmer. okay maybe i didnt really keep myself short after all. uhhh yeah as i said if i sound a bit cynical its just cause im kinda over ER atp the DLC was uhhh yeah. idk. i mean its good ig. but the whole thing made me realise how much i prefer the other fromsoftware games and i hope they use the DLC as a fitting end and dont make any more of Elden ring (also theyre milking the shit out of it with all the mangas and merch and series and possible mobile games theyre planning, hopefully its just so they can get the funds they need to go independant from bandai)

anyways: the DLC is just elden ring on steroids, it enhances both the good and the bad aspects of the game

jin-roh the wolf brigade
score: 7.6/10

(another wolf movie lol) yeah it was pretty good ig. dont have too much to say about it, its very slow paced but has some good moments. id be lying tho if i said the only reason i watched it wasnt because the armor looks cool

brotherhood of the wolf
score: 6.5/10

yup the influences bloodborne took from this movie are def very apparend lol. nothing really stood out to me plot wise tbh it was a decent watch but its strengths mostly lie in the presentation

the greta yokai war
score: lmao idk 5/10

i fell asleep during the second half lol idk what happened at alll its some kids movie idk not much going on plot wise but the practical effects and yokai were rlly cool. except for that one thing thats literally just a plushie on a string and they dont even try to make it look like anything more than that but its funnier that way so its okay

actually i woulda shat myself if i saw this as a kid

snow piercer
score: 6.5/10

pretty good but you need a very high suspension of disbelieve cause literally nothing makes sense if think abt it for more than 2 seconds. you can tell its based on a comic which is a good thing, the visuals are nice and the characters very vivid. the cheesiness just comes along with that

dungeon meshi
score: 9/10

as someone whos been a big fan of the manga since 2018 (obligatory mention now that its become popular cough cough) i def enjoyed the adaptation. what can i say its just good. great characters, worldbuilding and pacing.

oppenheimer
score: 6/10
theater experience: 8.5/10

the movie itself is alr but i actually really enjoyed it mainly due to the sound design in the cinema. also i love historical movies and science stuff so it made a bit sad. im okay with being an artist for the rest of my life but im actually quite passionate about those topics too and wouldve pursued them given the chance. alas. the casting, german dub and overall production quality were good too

barbie
score: idk/10

i feel like its unfair for me to rate this movie since im like the opposite of the target audience. obv i didnt care much for it

mad god
score: 8.5/10

goes hard asf i mean the pacing is sluggish as all hell but idrc

wendell and wild
score: 7/10

cool but plot was very rushed esp at the end

cyberpunk edgerunners
score: 5/10

was enjoyable but the characters werent written very well (lucy bruh...)

Top Gun: Maverick
score: 3.7/10

movie sucked balls. also you assholes tricked me

Super Dark Times
score: 6/10

liked it at first but the ending was whack. they threw it in the last quarter

the sandman
score: 4/10

i wanted to like it as a campy series but the CGI was so horrendous im sorry. theres no redeeming the last few episodes..

Piggy
score: 5/10

was alright. didnt rlly find it disturbing tho

heartbreak high
score: 4/10

inside job
score: 5/10

you can watch it while eating or drawing its fine for that but overall pretty mediocre show imo. lost potential.
inside job is a netflix animated comedy about conspiracies and stuff. Im assuming youve already watched it but you can also read this if you havent yet i wont spoil it.

ig ill start with what i liked about it. first of all i rlly like the concept.. i mean conspiracies are very interesting and stupid most of the time and a bit creepy thats perfect for an adult animated show and gives you many cool plot and joke opportunities. Its also cool that the creator of gravity falls worked on this cuz i love gravity falls (doesnt everyone? lol). Also the animation is pretty nice. the two main characters Reagan and Brett are alright personally i didnt care too much about them but i know a lot of people like them. theyre decently developed and have a nice dynamic. there are some funny jokes here and there but thats mostly all the good that stood out to me.

now ill get to the things that bothered me. first things first it wasnt all that funny (humor is subjective ofc this is my opinion) it had a lot of jokes but they just werent that good most of the time. they relied on references a lot which is to be expected since the whole show is largely based on pop culture and i dont hate those jokes inherently but they felt kinda forced and outdated most of the time. there was a "like a boss" joke in the first episode like dude. in 2021? Since they spent all their character development on brett and reagan the rest of the cast are basically only for comedic relief. Except theyre not funny. most of the jokes are about how theyre assholes. the fungus and the drug guy have pretty much the same personality and the other girls whole thing is basically saying "let me take a selfie before canceling you on twitter. hashtag L.O.L."
there was also some underlying cringe shit too like weird portrayal of addicts, they keep using the word Asperger idk just lame shit like that theres some more.

eventho the animation was nice i didnt like the artstyle that much i wish they went with something more original instead it just looks like another rick and morty clone. but i think that sums it up pretty well its in that awkward spot between being just another forgettable netflix show and being one of the good tm adult animations. i think it has the potential to be an 8/10 in the second season if they quit the weird shitty things (a lot could be fixed if they just gave some development to the side characters that would make the show funnier too)

update: i just watched the second season and well, i kinda like it even less now. honestly i dont get why its popular online when its just so painfully... mid. the characters are as one dimensional as ever and the jokes are just so lazy and bad. idk the humor is just what i can describe as "some 34 year old vaguely liberal (but in an ~edgy~ way) dudes who are into podcasts got together to make the most average and cynical adult animation netflix show ever". like no scene is allowed to be serious and no character is allowed to be intimidating they all have to break any immersion that happens to occur with some lame lamp shading, 4th wall breaking joke. and besides a handful of characters the entire cast could be easily replaced by each other. what i mean by that is the way they write character interaction never feels like something a person would actually say, its all just excuses for more jokes. and the jokes arent character or even situation specific, they could be said by anyone at any time. whatever i dont wanna turn this into some reddit rant cause who cares. the show got canceled anyway. oh but! At least we got like 56 more celebrity cameos. hurray! doesnt everyone love those? (i am a hater and the show has no charm whatsoever to me. at least the concept is kinda cool.)

smiling friends
score: 7/10

so although im not a fan of oneyplays, i was actually quite excited for this show when it was announced. sorry i love dumb adult comedy animation.

this is going to be more of a short review since there’s honestly not much to say. i liked it and i thought it was funny. the humor is pretty unique and they actually successfully managed to implement internet jokes without it being cringe asf. i do feel like some of the jokes where a tad overused or well... very close to being overused. like if they did it one more time it wouldn’t be funny anymore (for example the someone screaming and then cutting away rlly quickly one). so i hope they keep that in mind in the next season. i also liked that they didn’t stretch out the episodes and kept them nice and short.

another thing i thought was good is that they didn’t do that trope where every character is an obnoxious asshole for no reason cause they do that soooo much in these types of cartoons so its nice seeing them being chill for once. as far as art style goes it’s alright ig i don’t care much for it but it doesn’t look bad or ugly or anything. i liked the parts where there was claymation or 3D.

the jokes abt cancel culture sometimes got me like *insert that gif of the rock raising his eyebrow*.

so do i recommend it? if you like that sort of show then yes but if you watched one episode and didn’t get it or didn’t find it funny then honestly don’t watch the rest cause its just more of that. Personally i really enjoyed it... the mr frog episode was my favorite and i like the long red guy.

update on the second season: it was pure slop and the whole thing about "if they do this joke one more time itll be unfunny" came true in a million ways 4.5/10

hells
score: 6/10

maybe watch it together with a friend so its less boring
doesnt contain spoilers) ok so.... this was a weird ride for me. at first i was convinced id give this a 10/10 rating but but ehhhhh.... the visuals are fucking amazing. i love them so much seriously. the designs, the art style, the animation all look so cool (very vinnie pilled) and at first i thought the plot would just be silly high school shenanigans in hell, which was the case for like the first half of the movie and it was pretty fun i mean nothing crazy but it worked. but after that it all went downhill... i really didnt enjoy the plot. it was confusing and so many things just didnt make sense abt it... they always have the most bullshit excuses for everything which wouldnt bother me as much if it was at least fast pace and fun to watch but i shit you not the final battle takes up half the movie. it has no right to be a 2 hour movie to begin with tbh but it just drags on for soooo fucking long its absolutely painful. every time you think "oh ok this is the last battle and this is supposed to be the epic and satisfying ending" they pull something new out of their ass LIKE PLEASEEEE ITS ENOUGH! and of course they solve everything with ~the power of believing in yourself~ like comeee onnnn.the main character is the most uninteresting person in the whole cast btw. just your standard air headed anime girl who wants to be friends with everyone and never solves anything herself other than giving speeches every 5 minutes. shes so fucking annoying im sorry. the other characters are pretty cool but not exactly well developed ,which- again wouldnt be so bad if they didnt want us to feel bad for them all the time. they want to have emotional moments but never give you an actual reason to care for them. also they only knew each other for what? like 3 days? and they act like theyre the best of friends all of a sudden. also there was random inflation so theres that. caught me off guard fr. anyways... there are a lot of frustrating things like these about this movie...so why did i still give it a somewhat high rating? its cause i just love the art style so muchhhh its worth watching for that alone tbh. the plot is a 4/10 at best but i think if you either watch it with a friend not expecting a masterpiece or just skip through the annoying parts youll still have a pretty good time.

mononoke
plot score: 4.5
visuals: 9/10

ive been meaning to watch this one for years and tbh...it was kind of a letdown

once again...it looks so beautiful but the story was just meh. i feel like the diehard mononoke stans are gonna come after me for this one but honestly it’s not as good as everyone says and if it had a generic artstyle no one would even talk abt it or give a shit. that being said i still enjoyed it somewhat? idk... i just don’t know how to feel abt it...

the pacing is very slow and the story is confusing but that’s not even my issue. my issue is that they sort of make you think its gonna turn out a certain way and then there’s a twist. BUT. the actual outcome is always worse and lamer than the one you expected (most of the time). best example is in the third (i think?) episode with the weird monk guy and the boat, (spoiler ahead! mark text to read)

at first you think the guy was obsessed with his sister and because he can’t have her he kills her and puts her in the log boat as the holy sacrifice. but then it turns out: the sister actually liked him back (ew) and went in the boat voluntarily and at the end she comes back, FUSES WITH HER FUCKING BROTHER into a yaasified version of him, and they get a happy ending. WHAT? HELLO? bruhhh listen i like weird and dark stories but thats just too much. also everyone else in that series dies and suffers but the incest monk mf gets away??? nah man. easily the worst episode.

also for a horror anime it’s not very scary at all, but that’s not that much of a problem tbh im just saying. The ending was super unsatisfying as well it didn’t feel like an ending at all and was super sudden. what i liked about the story is how suspenseful it is and i liked the medicine seller as a character (even if we basically dont know shit about him at least he looks cool lol).

so about the art and animation. Obviously its one of the most unique looking anime ever and i really love the backgrounds specifically. the reason i don’t give it a 10/10 is because of the character design... some of them straight up look like racist caricatures :I. yea. fucking hell. i know that happens a lot in anime but i feel like it was very prevalent here and it made the show significantly more unpleasant to watch. the characters that don’t look like that are very beautiful tho... also the opening was good

so... do i recommend it? Honestly no fucking idea... if you think it’s worth it just for the visuals then go for it but it doesn’t have much more to offer imo

into the spiderverse
score: 8/10

originally i wanted to watch this in theaters when it came out but i was too shy to buy tickets so now im years late
Obviously its great lol. animation and artstyle are awesome and story was nice too. i liked all the characters (for the most part) and uhhhh there isnt that much to say i think everyones already watched it anyways. you can really tell how much thought and effort they put into everything and the the villains are really cool too (especially doc ock). there isn’t really anything that actually bothered me except some things where a bit cheesy at the end (as to be expected )
also...that’s not rlly a critique but- why are miles powers electo shocks and invisibility? seems like a weird combo idk but whatever doesn’t rlly matter. oh and something i wasn’t a fan of either was that they made peni a stereotypical kawaii anime girl just because she’s japanese when shes nothing like that in the comics that was the only thing i genuinely didn’t like. but all these are mostly just nitpicks that don’t affect the enjoyment of the movie overall. it was also pretty funny i even laughed out lout at one joke which i rarely do. i think hmmmm peter was probably my favorite character but i liked miles too and the designs of prowler and doc ock were just awesome. this review kinda sucked lmao sorry.
uhhhhh it’s good..yes..watch it if you haven’t already....

arcane
s1 score: 8/10
s2 score: 6/10

doesnt contain spoilers) I really didnt expect to like this show so much. listen i have partaken in the sinful act of playing league of legends before and wasnt very impressed (also i suck at it lol) but this was such a cool universe and the animation and environment look amazing. usually i get bored easily watching 40 min episodes but that basically never happened here
honestly i dont even have that much to say about it other than its good and you should watch it. i liked how you could sympathize with every character even the villains so its really hard to hate anyone and you get invested in all their stories.
update on season 2: its been a month since i actually watched it and i already talked about it to people so much im too lazy to wite a proper review. basically while it was enjoyable to watch i liked it a lot less than the first season. didnt like most character arcs they felt very contrived sometimes, especially viktors. and their main problem is just that they got ahead of themselves and could juggle all those characters over the course of so few episodes.

the house
score: 6.6/10

it was an interesting little movie and i always appreciate unconventional animation styles. i can tell whoever made it cared a lot about it but i just. didnt. i thought it was sorta boring at times and it just didnt catch me ig. i liked the second and third story a lot more than the first one tho idk why but something about they way the humans looked and the voiceacting made me legitimately go into a violent state of frenzy. the animals looked cute its just the human family idk they just looked so fucking punchable like i wanted to pick them up and throw them across the room. but that not actual critique thats just me being deranged. i liked the symbolism of the movie tho and how the house resembled the character in each story. but thats pretty much all i have to say about it. it was alright. i think other people will probably enjoy it more than i did.

Love, Death and Robots Season 3
score: 7/10

kinda hard to rate because the quality varies wildly from episode to episode
ok so i did watch the other seasons too but im just gonna be talking exclusively abt season 3 here. and since every episode is a stand alone story ill briefly talk about each one and then give my general opinion at the end. yeaaayea.

episode 1: i rlly loved the robot bros in the first season so i was looking forward to seeing them again but...meh. this ep wasnt exactly bad but they just spent the entire time making fun of conservatives and elon musk . Which is deserved lol fuck those guys but its kind of an easy target and just not that funny or interesting. they shouldve focused more on the robots instead of lukewarm commentary imo or at least not make it the whole point of the episode.

episode 2: this was definitely one of the- if not THE best ep of this season. art style looks awesome and the story was also very cool and intense. the gore was good too (especially the way the crab monster talked, damn!). it was a bittt slow for me at certain points but that could very much just be my shitty attention span. good episode. i like morally grey/ambiguous characters

episode 3: i thought it was okay. bit boring but not bad or anything ... just didnt blow me away. im not that big of a fan of that 3d animation thats like- trying to emulate a 2d look with outlines and cell shading tbh but it looks fine. some lesbian planet subtext? sure why not. also idk if im dumb but was there a plot twist at the end? i was kinda zoning out so i wasnt sure if that actually happened or i just interpreted it weirdly. well in case i was right spoiler:

episode 4: yea whatever. its just a joke episode idk theres not much to it. kinda cool that i looked like stop motion (idk if it actually was tho)

episode 5: worst episode of the season lol. its basically all the things i didnt like about this show stuffed into 13 minutes. the art style is boring or just whatever, the characters are super lame, its unfunny as fuck and they manage to be overly edgy and not even make the gore or monster design creative. and it starts of with a guy peeing which goes on for way too long (seriously whats with this show and being obsessed with animating floppy dicks?). also listen- i enjoy excessive violence and swearing (you can probably tell by my website lol) but they overdo it in such whack ways that it looses all meaning and just comes off as cringe. also how the fuck did they make a "honey badger dont give a shit" joke in 2022? in general the jokes were painfully unfunny. idk i really did not like this episode at all and like who tf is the target audience even supposed to be? its like it failed at being a parody of itself

episode 6: this one didnt really catch me at first but the ending was unexpected and very interesting, reminds me of something out of "all tomorrows". the art style looked okay, a little bit off (awkward spot between realism and stylized faces) and the romance was kind of unnecessary imo but yea decent episode mainly for the ending.

episode 7: again not too much to say abt this one. it really reminded me of those obscure animated shorts i used to watch as a kid that now feel like a fever dream memory (anyone remember bernard the ice bear?). its fine ig its not like they were trying to make some sort of deep masterpiece. its just "so basically what if there was a Scottish grandpa in the future...with rats". well at least im glad he got a happy ending for once lol.

episode 8: again- it was fine. pretty cool ig nothing too crazy. some army guys find a lovecraftian horror cave - high jinks ensue. the super realistic art style definitely doesnt look bad but personally i will always prefer stylization and more cartoony styles.

episode 9: this was the episode that gets talked about most on the internet and i definitely get why. the animation looks absolutely stunning. like genuinely i wash like GAWD DAMN! some scenes look like live action because the movement and lighting look so insanely realistic its sort of uncanny. but it all has this surreal vibe to it especially the faces are still sort of stylized (sorry for repeating that word over and over again lol). also there is knights which you know... gets vinnie plus points. yea the sirens design is so unsettling and beautiful ngl if i was there i wouldve drowned myself too. my favorite scene was the one at night it just looked soo so pretty, really gets me excited for what animation has in store for us in the future (imagine a full movie or series in that style °3°). ok im done talking abt the animation now .. the story was good too. i mean its sort of hard to follow since everything is very erratic and there is no dialogue but you can tell its about colonialism and greed (and also toxic relationships apparently). good to see that the siren prevails in the end even if they took everything from her.

okay party rockers thats all the episodes. so my thoughts in general? this series is always very hit or miss, they usually have one or two really good episodes per season and a few that just suck ass. this season there was only one i genuinely felt was bad. the rest was okay its all mostly decent and im happy to see they mostly stopped doing that thing they did a lot in the first season where it was like "GUYS PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT THIS IS ANIMATION FOR ADULTS!! WE WILL REMIND YOU EVERY FEW SECONDS! HERE GRAPHIC SEX SCENE!!!THIS DUDES COCK AND BALLS ARE OUT! NOW HE EXPLODES FUCK THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE SHIT CUNT FUCK get it we can swear and show graphic stuff because its for ADULTS!!1!" which just gets lame and tiring very quickly. pretty good season id say and i dont mind it having fever episodes if that means they focus more on quality over quantity. season 2 also had fever episodes but they werent as good imo.

Guillermo del Toros Pinocchio
score: 7.4/10

one of those movies where i watched and thought "yea this is nice" but it didnt like blow me away or anything. but i wouldnt exactly know what to criticize either (in the moment at least) i think in the end it just comes down to personal taste. (i will be discussing the plot here, heavy spoilers are marked but you should probably watch first and read after)
since its a kids movie i was a bit surprised about how dark it got at times but i didnt mind it. Reminded me of old animated movies yk the ones where the villain dies in some absurdly gruesome way? you guys remember that titanic movie with the mice? that shit fucked me up as a kid ong. Anyway back to the topic . The beginning did make me pretty emotional and i liked that they took their time with the flashback so that you would care more about the characters. Obviously i loved the stop motion animation it was all very charming (cool art direction in general esp for the afterlife sequences). and i liked that they made it very "italian" since its an italian story. they often remove that kind of stuff in adaptations. i was also surprised that they went in a pretty political direction making it play during the war and stuff. Which again, i didnt mind but i feel like especially the bit in the last half where hes at the military school felt kinda... idk how to describe it cause i wouldnt rlly say out of place since they did foreshadow it a lot. but it made for some awkward tone shifts i feel like. in general the difference between the two main villains arcs was a bit jarring . like yeah you got the silly greedy circus man and then you have the actual fascist who wants to turn pinocchio into a war weapon and forces his own son to shoot him in the head and kill his friend . i kind of enjoyed the more emotional beginning of the movie where gepetto deals with his grief more than the more action-y latter half. it just felt more focused.
i think thats the main criticism i have with the movie, it couldve been more focused. they try to do a lot of stuff and go into very heavy subjects but it feels a bit all over the place for me. they even threw some religious stuff in there with the parallels between the jesus carving in the church and pinocchio (they even crucify him later on lmao). there are so many themes going on but idk if they sufficiently resolved all of them in the end. the main ones are obv gepettos grief and pinocchios want to be accepted and loved by others and then also some more existential death and the meaning of life shenanigans . those do get resolved in the end but all the stuff that happens in between is a bit much. i think they wouldve profited from removing one of the villains tbh. wich Probably would have to be the military guy since he sorta threw off the tone and most likely was the main reason the movie is FSK 12. as much as i appreciated the historical aspects of it, from a storytelling standpoint you could pretty much remove him completely and it would have come to the same conclusion. Because the other villain basically had the same arc for pinocchio: theyre trying to take advantage of his unique skills and use him for their own goals. pinocchio is very gullible at the beginning and believes they truly appreciate him and then finds out they were actually just using him and he flees. same outcome.
uh something thats more of a personal thing is i really hated the songs. sorry but i had to skip them. they all sound the same and pinocchios singing voice really pissed me off, like yeah catchy musical esque songs wouldve been out of place here but i feel like they couldve gone without songs altogether if theyre not even gonna slap. the ending was fine imo. it tied things up well. although i found it a little anticlimactic that all it takes for him to become mortal is returning before the time runs out? like its that easy? then why did they make such a big deal out of his "burden" at the beginning? in general the concept of him being able to die over and over again wouldve easily been enough for an entire movie/conflict just about that. i didnt mind that it was in the story since its cool but together with all the other stuff it becomes yet another big deep thing they couldve explored more together with him wanting to be a real boy. he hinted at wanting to be alive but it mostly got glossed over. maybe it wouldve been more impactful if he got to directly exchange his immortality for gepettos life or something idk.
all in all i did find the movie enjoyable but something felt a little off, i think i found out what it was writing this review because i just couldnt lay my finger on it while watching. if they cut one of the villains arcs and instead let pinocchio and gepetto spend some more time together, focusing on their character development as a duo it would improve a lot. because now that i think about it they didnt even hang out that much during the runtime and were mostly fighting. dont let the criticism stop you from watching tho its still pretty good